Friends With Benefits
by Vellaa
Summary: Is this how it was meant to be? L/P
1. Prologue

**Friends with Benefits**

**Just clarifying that the following chapters will not be in first person - This is just the prologue.**

**...**

I admit that it is hard; the fact that I have to act as though I'm okay with this. But the truth is…I am not.

It began after we broke up, and after we had moved on, and after she had piteously ran back into the other man's arms again. I know she doesn't love him; the pure lust and desire in her eyes as they look into mine says it all.

But why on earth does she have to hide it from everyone? I know it, she knows it – I'm sure Raj, Howard and, surprisingly Sheldon know how discontent she has been. God! Why is she even with him, all the while running back to me after hours for love and pleasure, to be shown how beautiful and special she is, over and over again? I do not want to tell her how sad and depressing that is of her to do, but I'm afraid it may cause her further pain. I do not want to hurt her; I want to help her.

No, Penny! No. That's all I have to say. But I find it hard to bring myself to say that two-letter word, for my feelings towards her are still the same, even after she had turned me down when I said 'I love you' for the first time.

It hurts me to see the pain and dread in her eyes as she makes her way back to her own apartment and back into the arms of the one she is now with. I can tell by her stifled cries beside me, and how she takes her time to slowly get up. It kills me that I am too scared, too pathetic myself to even tell her how much she means to me. Not only has this broken up the comfort of our friendship, but the tension between us is clear to the eyes of our friends. I thank them sincerely that they do not ask what is wrong, but sometimes I wish I could tell someone. Whenever I try to bring it up with her, it will only lead to more deplorable love making that we both regret in the end. I cannot hide the fact that I love her in my arms; her scent; her taste; the sound of my name sliding out of her luscious lips. It's these moments that I cherish, for she is all mine, even if the moment lasts for no longer than a few painful minutes.

How can I both love and hate something that I have wanted for so long, yet I feel like dying whenever I wake up alone?

**Reviews are welcome :)**


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: I have just recently listened to Three days Grace "I Hate Everything About You" and was shocked to realize how perfectly it fits into this story! Great song! Must listen to it!  
**

**Friends With Benefits**

**Chapter 1**

**...  
**

Leonard Hofstadter slowly opened his sleepy eyes, adjusting to the bright rays of the sun radiating through his bedroom window. His extensive loud yawn could not hide the fact that he had minimal sleep that night – not much different to the nights before. It had been the same for the past two weeks, and Leonard was yet to get used to it.

_Only when I stop to think about it_

"Morning Leonard," said Sheldon from the kitchen bench, as Leonard stumbled into the living room and onto the couch. "You don't look so well," the theoretical physicist highlighted, whilst preparing himself a bowl of cereal from the low fiber section.

_Every roommate kept awake_  
_ By every sigh and scream we make_

Leonard merely groaned in reply in an act of unwanted attention at that moment.

"I see you have had a rough night, and I sincerely apologize for my lack of earlier acknowledgment," said Sheldon, walking towards the couch. "But that does not give you the right to place your feet on my spot on the couch."

Leonard had been lying face down, unaware that Sheldon was standing over him. Again, Leonard only replied with a groan as he sat up, placing his palm against his head.

"One can only suggest that you're very nauseated from unpleasant physical effects due to heavy use of alcohol," Sheldon implied after taking his seat, with his cereal in hand.

"If that's your way of saying hungover, then yes, Sheldon, I am," Leonard replied in frustration. "And I am not in the mood for any of your lectures."

Leonard stood up to prepare himself a cup of coffee, hoping that could somehow divert his roommate into changing the topic, or better yet, not talk at all. Unfortunately it was not the latter.

"Oh, don't be ridiculous. I have better things to do than worry about your personal issues for which I have no concern with," he chastised, and set his attention on his breakfast instead.

"I'm especially not interested in what has been going on lately..." Sheldon whispered to himself. Luckily his roommate was too preoccupied to hear.

Pouring his coffee, Leonard began to reflect on the previous night, although it may not have made his morning any less difficult.

...

**Previous Night**

"Oh Leonard!" She yelled breathlessly as they both reached their climax, before rolling over to lay by his side.

It took them a while to catch their breaths before she got up to get dressed.

"Wait, Penny," Leonard quickly interrupted her and she paused, her back towards the experimental physicist.

"Look Leonard I don't wanna talk," she stated abruptly, gripping the edge of the mattress.

"I know you don't," he stated in an almost desperate tone, afraid that she may just disappear from his life forever. "I just…"

"What?" she asked, after a moment of silence.

"Nothing." _I just want you to stay so I could hold you in my arms all night.  
_

Penny closed her eyes and sighed heavily.

_All the feelings that I get_  
_ But I still don't miss you yet_

Without a moment of thought, she got up and put on her clothes that had been sprawled across the floor. She did not realize how quickly their love-making, if it could even be called that, had taken place. Watching silently and helplessly from his spot on the bed, Leonard felt like his heart had been ripped to shreds as Penny walked out and silently closed the door. He sighed and lay back down, knowing that it would be a while till sleep finds him. Hearing the front door shut, Leonard climbed out of bed to fix himself a drink - his only way out of reality.

_I hate everything about you_  
_ Why do I love you?_

Meanwhile, after closing the apartment door of 4A, still gripping the door knob, Penny let out the tears that had been meaning to fall, unable to show her true feelings in front of the man she really loves.

...

**Hmm, which man is she hiding her tears from? Is it Leonard? Or the man in her own apartment? Next chapter reveals her current boyfriend. This may be confusing but don't worry, I'm pretty confused too.**

**Please review!  
**


	3. Chapter 2

**Funny story… it has been quite a few years since I've logged onto this account. I sincerely apologize for those who were left disappointed for the huge delay in update. I know how frustrating this can be… but on that note, I also appreciate your reviews and for this reason, have been inspired to update this story. Sorry it's a little short, I hope you enjoy.**

**Friends With Benefits**

**Chapter 2**

…

It was the start of a new week, and the two physicists stepped into the hallway, all dressed and ready to head off to work. Surprisingly, Leonard was feeling more at ease with himself and was even looking forward to this new day. The night before had been filled with immense reflecting over his unkempt feelings towards Penny – which have brought nothing but despair and disappointment. He had had enough, and decided to start this week with a fresh, clean slate – no Penny markings whatsoever.

However, this clean slate was stained all too soon in black muck when the door to 4A opened, and a cute, bubbly laugh hit Leonard's ears like a meteor. He could recognise that laugh from a mile away, and while under certain circumstances it would bring him joy; today, it was an inescapable nightmare.

"Stop it, Kurt. That tickles!"

Leonard gulped and involuntarily clutched onto his shirt where his heart was. Two figures stepped outside: One was an oversized man who could surpass as animalistic puffery; the other was...

"Oh, hey… guys," Penny stated sternly after noticing her neighbours... a little too late.

"Are we going, or what?" Sheldon persisted, completely ignoring Penny's greeting.

"Y-yeah, let's go…" Leonard almost ran down the stairs, with his roommate following in tow rather obnoxiously.

"Slow down, Leonard. You do realize it's ghoulish to run after a meal, prior to its minimum half n' hour regulation!"

Leonard ignored him until they reached the car.

* * *

The entire day at work consisted of nothing but thoughts of Penny in her Hello-Kitty shorts and bright, pink top… with Kurt's big, brawny arms wrapped around her petite form.

As Leonard dragged his heavy feet up the flights of stairs, all he wanted at that moment was to let himself trip and fall. For every step that he took, was a step closer to _her_. And he wished to be as far away from her as possible.

"Hey, Leonard."

The experimental physicist was met with the familiar (and uninvited) greetings from Howard and Raj, who were clueless of what Leonard was going through. Even if he tried, Leonard's friends would not be of any significant help.

"Hey, guys," Leonard moped and dragged his feet towards his bedroom, ready to isolate himself.

"Where are you going?" Raj called out to his friend.

"Bed," Leonard simply called back.

"You can't go to bed now. My mother gave me four movie tickets. We're gonna go and watch Man of Steel!" Howard was at his feet and almost right up Leonard's face, who was yet unable to reach the step that led to his hallway.

"How did she get them again?" Raj asked from the couch.

"It's a long, and embarrassing story - but let's just say that the entire Pasadena now knows my mother's voice on the radio. So, you coming, Leonard?"

"That's fine. You guys have fun," Leonard muttered, almost heartbroken that he could not watch the one movie he'd been looking forward to seeing. On the other hand, if he did go, it would be a temporary distraction from Penny - and that's just what he needed. "Actually… that sounds great, guys."

"Yes! Now we just have to wait for Sheldon. Where is Sheldon by the way?" Raj enquired after realizing how quiet and serene the apartment room felt without the forth member of their clan.

"He said he'll be running a little late. Dr. Gablehauser assigned him a pile of paperwork that needs to be completed by tonight," said Leonard.

"And the movie starts in an hour..." Howard reckoned, and suddenly grinned widely. "Which means that we won't have to sit and listen to Sheldon's annoying rants about every scene!"

"Yes!" Raj joined the cheer. "So wait? We have one extra ticket now?"

"Oh, right!" Howard came to himself, and thought for a moment. "Maybe we can ask Penny?"

Suddenly, Leonard widened his eyes in fear, and shook his head frantically. Somehow, the intense shock prevented him from speaking. "N-n-n-n-…" Unfortunately, no one was able to hear him.

"I'm gonna go and ask her. It'll add a little spice to the movie if we brought a female along with us!" Before Leonard could challenge the proposal any further, Howard was already out the door.

What started off as a solution to escape had unexpectedly backfired… Leonard was trapped.

* * *

**What did you think? :)**


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